Don's Jersey Birding: Adult Nature Disconnect Disorder is on the rise!
A walk at a local nature center is a sure cure for ANDD.
Photos courtesy of Don Torino
A few weeks back I brought attention to a new affliction facing the citizens of New Jersey: Adult Nature Disconnect Disorder (ANDD). I am sad to report that this disease has reached epidemic proportions throughout many towns in my part of the state.
In its advanced stages, ANDD will make you totally oblivious to your natural surroundings and will cause you to believe things like a “kettle of hawks” is a kind of soup, bats only exist in vampire romance novels, and lawns are good for the environment.
How this affliction is working its way into our citizens is still not understood. My calls to the CDC have been met with silence. Even my calls to our local health department have received no response (too busy out watering their lawns). My first thought that this might be a mosquito borne illness was quickly ruled out as soon as I realized that the afflicted no longer go outside. They just make a quick run to their SUV to get to the nearest mall which is the limit of their outdoor adventures.
My first indication that ANDD was on the increase was based on a recent phone call I received.
“Help me!” the voice said on the other end of the phone. “A cardinal is trying to break into my house.”
I was going to ask if it had a gun, but I quickly realized this was no joking matter and this was another victim of ANDD.
“It keeps banging on my window. It wants in!” she said.
“No, ma’am,” I answered calmly. “It just sees its reflection and it thinks it’s another cardinal that it wants out of its territory.”
“NO!” the woman quickly snapped back at me. “It wants to get into my house.”
I tried to reason with her, but ANDD will have no part of common sense.
“Why would it want to get into your house?” I asked.
“Maybe it is tired of living outside,” she answered. 
Working in a butterfly garden is a good day to get over a bout of ANDD.
“Can you tell me where I can buy a Snowy Owl?” she asked.
“Excuse me?” I responded.
“It’s my son’s birthday and we are looking to buy him a Snowy Owl. Do you carry them?”
I stuttered for a moment. “You mean a real one?”
“Of course! Just like Harry Potter’s,” she replied.
Sorry miss, we are all out just now. Check back this winter and see how the lemmings are making out up north. Sometimes ANDD is just plain scary.
And just to back up my findings that ANDD is out of control, Holly wrote to say that ANDD is
working its way through a very unlikely group of people: the gardeners of New Jersey!
“I work in a nursery. You should hear the comments from ‘gardeners’ in the area,” Holly told me.
"Do I have to water this pot of flowers?" one woman asked her.
“Well ma'am, it is a living thing...” Holly replied.
Holly, just stay calm. There is a cure that I am working on. They won’t need a doctor, drugs or even health insurance. All they will need is to watch an osprey feed its young, listen to the call of a wood thrush, or just walk the trail of their local nature center. I guarantee the experience will provide an immediate cure. We need everyone to appreciate nature more and try their best to give it a little more understanding.
John Muir once said, “I only went out for a walk, and finally concluded to stay out ‘til sundown, for going out, I found, was really going in.”
Wouldn’t it be nice if more folks felt the same?
Don Torino is the Education Chairperson for Bergen County Audubon Society.
Categories: Don's Jersey Birding
Tags: adult nature disconnect disorder nature wildlife New Jersey birds
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